So I’ve been on a string of really bad dates lately. The thing is that they always start out amazing and then either I say something stupid because I’m nervous or the other person does something dumb. The reality is that there are certain things you just shouldn’t do on dates, especially a first, second or third date and there are definitely things you shouldn’t say. Because of all of the stupid things I’ve said, other guys have said and the things that will definitely not get you a second date,,,unless the person is an idiot, here are my big 5 no nos for first, second and third dates.
1. Do not bring your friends.
You may feel like your friends are your support group and that they help you feel more confident. That’s because that is what friends are there for. The reality is that you are on a date and your goal is to try to get to know the person. If you surround them with your friends you will not only not get to know the person, but they will feel like a third wheel no matter how much fun your friends are. You also run the risk of them becoming a friend instead of a potential mate. You may want your friends there because you are nervous, but the nervous feeling is because you are meeting someone new and someone that you may end up falling in love with. Save the friends until you have been on multiple dates and you think the dating could turn into something.
2. Your my second choice, I found the other person more attractive.
This is one that i saw on The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo multiple times. The millionaire picks one person and tells that person that they were more attracted to the other person but Patty recommended someone like them instead because the other person would be better for them. Don’t ever put your date down like that! If you aren’t that interested and not thinking about them sexually, long term and about marriage then why are you bothering with them? Seriously, if you are thinking about sex first and marriage isn’t crossing your mind, that isn’t the right person for you. You have to have a spark and if someone else is sparking you but your dating someone because they are the right type then you are wasting your time and their time. Instead of insulting the person just let the date end friendly and then don’t go on a second. You don’t have to be rude and you don’t have to put people down. Unless the person is into being abused you will also lose any chance of a second date.
3. Talking about your ex, excessively.
You have to remember that your Ex is your Ex for a reason. It didn’t work. If you’re on a date it is because you are supposed to be moving on. If all you do is talk about your ex you are not only going to bore the shit out of your date, but you will guarantee that you won’t get another one or that it won’t last. You are basically saying you are still in love with you ex and that you are not ready to move on. If the date is serious about dating and doesn’t just want to sleep with you then you have now lost that person probably for good. If your date asks about your ex, make sure your answer is short, simple and somewhat funny if it is a negative comment. Try to say something positive but also that doesn’t go on and on or make it sound like you are still in love.
4. Do not over drink. Keep a 2 or 3 drink minimum.
I love to drink and I know most other singles who meet at bars or dinners love wine with their dinner during a date. The thing you have to remember is that you don’t want to look like an alcoholic and you want your mind and focus clear and coherent. You are dating because you want to really meet someone and fall in love. If you are drunk you won’t take in every signal if the person likes you or not and you may not get to really see the person for who he or she is. It is very important to not over drink and to limit yourself on the first few dates. Get to know the person before you go on a binger where you get trashed. Getting to know the person first is extremely important and something that will help you know if you should have a second date or not.
5. Don’t sleep with the person.
Ok, this is questionable. I like to know what I’m getting in to and what the other person has. At the same time sex can ruin the chances at falling in love and making it special. I have plenty of friends who have gotten married and slept together on the first date but at the same time I’ve also seen them get divorced and also have to open their relationship to keep it interesting. Although you want to sleep with the person on the first date, hold off until you get to know the person and you are in a committed monogamous relationship. Wanting to sleep with the person means you are attracted to them and you have a connection. If you can hold off you’ll have something to look forward to.
I know this list may not be the most fun, especially 4 and 5, but they could help you to figure out if the person is the right one for you. With 1 through 3, make sure you don’t screw your date up with them. Be polite if you aren’t into the person and then just don’t go on a second date. If you are really bored and you are trying to force a conversation, it isn’t rude to just say it isn’t working, offer to pay and actually try to pay and break the date early. Both of you will thank each other and not feel awkward, just don’t be rude and put the other person down. Getting a second date is easy, but if you don’t have the connection with the person where you are falling in love then it probably isn’t worth a second date. finding love isn’t tricky, finding the right person to love is. Don’t screw it up if you find the person and don’t force yourself to date someone if they are obviously wrong.