One thing that is the same for both straight and gay couples are mixed signals. They not only drive us both crazy, but they put some serious strains on relationships. One day everything is going smooth and you are falling in love. All of the sudden the next day the person springs something on you like “we should take it slower” or “Lets try to meet up later this week” but doesn’t give a reason why. Although there is nothing wrong with saying those things, mainly because sometimes you do need to slow down or maybe the person is just busy and has to get some things done, but what drives the other person crazy is when there is no explanation behind it.
I know that some people don’t talk much or like short answers. Unfortunately that is just some personality traits. The problem when you are dating someone that likes you is that when you don’t give an explanation as to why you want to slow down or why you would say “maybe” if they want to hang out, or “lets try later this week” is that their minds can start to wonder.
Everyone is a bit insecure, it’s part of being human. The issue is that when you slow a relationship down and the person was enjoying the pace it was going, you need to give them some details about why you want to slow it down and reassure them that you still enjoy them. If you don’t like to talk a lot or aren’t the type who likes to give reasons, you have to remember that the relationship is new and the person you are with may not be used to your personality type. Relationships are scary for everyone. You are letting someone new into your life. What you need to remember is that in order to not chase them away and to keep their interest, you have to let their insecurities rest and tell them that extra sentence like “Let’s try later this week because I have to catch up on a ton of missed work” or “Let’s take it slowly because we just met and I want to enjoy the dating and courting process instead of just jumping into marriage. Say things like “I really like you and don’t want to screw it up by moving to fast” or “We’ll see each other again this week and keep it going at a pace we can both enjoy”.
Mixed signals aren’t fun, especially when you are in a new relationship. If you are about to slow down a relationship with someone, but you still want to be with that person, make sure you do me and them a favor. Let the person know the reasons why.
If you tell them you want to slow down and then you cannot see them for a few days or a week, give a reasonable answer and not just a couple of words or just say its because you have work to do. Open up and share with him or her a bit to let their nerves relax. Explain the project you are working on or why it takes forever. (If you bore the person with work you may get lucky and they won’t ask again. Just a small hint if you don’t like sharing.) If you don’t help calm their own insecurities when you slow down a relationship or give a mixed signal, then when you are ready to speed the relationship up again and become more serious again, they may have already begun to move on.
Love is funny how it can hit you hard and then fade away without you even realizing it. One of the saddest things I can think of is two people who start falling in love, one gets scared so they slow it down and the other stays falling away faster and faster without knowing it. Eventually the person fades away because they were the only one really in love in the beginning and not always feeling it back because the other person was scared. Then when the other person is ready, they have begun to move on and it is hard to pull them back.
On the other hand, if you are saying you should take it slow to start the break up process, do yourself and the other person a favor and just let them know. It isn’t only wrong to lead people on, but it is also wrong to play with someone’s emotions. If you are giving mixed signals to someone, just let them know why and don’t be distant. Distance can kill a new relationship and put a damper on love, even if you aren’t that far away physically.