The GayWeddingGear.com Blog

August 29, 2011

Cheating, is it ok and is it cheating if you are not together?

Filed under: gay dating — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 11:54 pm

So one thing that is always confusing is cheating.  I’m not talking about going around and sleeping with a ton of people on a regular basis, that is grounds for definitely being dumped.  What I’m referring to is if you are just starting to date someone and you are sort of only seeing each other, but nobody has said that it is officially monogamous.  (BTW, this is not about me and my new relationship, this is from an email from a reader who wanted to know my opinion.)  The other thing I am talking about is if your partner screws up and hooks up with someone.  I cannot answer for everyone or even anyone else, but if it were my relationship, here is what I would do.

Is it cheating if you are not officially together?

If you have to ask then you already know the answer.  If you feel guilty that you kissed, made out or even slept with someone besides the person you are dating or seeing, you probably cheated.  It means that you really like the person you are seeing and that you obviously screwed up.  Think about it, if you didn’t feel guilty then you wouldn’t be asking this question.  If you’re the person who is on the other side and found out the other person is hooking up with others, then it is your job to address it and make it either officially monogamous or realize that they are not the right one for you because they still want to sleep with others.

The thing about new relationships and new love is that you shouldn’t even have the desire to sleep with others.  If you do then you may not have true love, but you may have short term lust which can feel like the same thing.  If you hookup with someone because you were drunk and you feel guilty, then in my opinion you cheated because you did actually like the person you are dating.

If you feel guilty then talk to the person you’re dating and make it official.  If you find him or her dating others and it bothers you and makes you feel like they are cheating, let them know you are ready for the next step.  If you are ready to commit and they aren’t, there is no reason to put yourself through paranoia or those horrible feelings of knowing the person you like is with someone else and I would recommend you end the relationship.  If for some reason they are ready in the future and you think that you can love them again, you can always give it another try.

What should I do if I cheated on my partner? What should I do if I found out my partner cheated?

This is a tricky one.  Here is the answer from my perspective.  If my partner cheats, I want him to call me just before it happens or right after.  I want to know that he did it so that he is honest with me and if he used a condom, swallowed or did anything that could put me and my health in danger.  I’m not going to dump him if he is honest with me and tells me, no matter how bad the f*ck up is, but he is definitely going to have to buy flowers, possibly jewelry and is definitely going to have to make it up with a nice dinner and tons of footrubs.  It hurts to get cheated on, but if it is a one time thing and your partner is honest then forgive them, but also make them make it up to you.  Now if you cheated that is another story.

The best thing for cheating in a relationship is honesty.  You need to be honest and you need to tell your partner.  You also need to use a condom if you can remember or get tested immediately after.  You screwed up and it happens.  It sucks because you hurt your partner who is someone you love, but that doesn’t mean you have to end your relationship.  Be honest and tell them before they find out on their own.  There is nothing worse than going home pretending nothing happened and having the person you love find out on their own.  Do me and your partner a favor, call them immediately, rush home or somehow let them know.  You are the one who cheated on them and you need to grow a pair and admit to doing it.  It isn’t easy to do but it is the right thing to do.

I don’t agree with cheating at all.  I think you should only sleep with your partner.  That is why you are in a relationship.  If you don’t know if you are officially monogamous, ask your partner and let them know how you feel.  If you are in a relationship and you cheat, let your partner know.  They may hate you for a while, but if they truly loved you and you really feel bad about it, they will eventually forgive you.

August 28, 2011

How To Handle Getting Mixed Signals from Guys

Filed under: gay dating — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 4:30 pm

One thing that is the same for both straight and gay couples are mixed signals. They not only drive us both crazy, but they put some serious strains on relationships. One day everything is going smooth and you are falling in love. All of the sudden the next day the person springs something on you like “we should take it slower” or “Lets try to meet up later this week” but doesn’t give a reason why. Although there is nothing wrong with saying those things, mainly because sometimes you do need to slow down or maybe the person is just busy and has to get some things done, but what drives the other person crazy is when there is no explanation behind it.

I know that some people don’t talk much or like short answers. Unfortunately that is just some personality traits. The problem when you are dating someone that likes you is that when you don’t give an explanation as to why you want to slow down or why you would say “maybe” if they want to hang out, or “lets try later this week” is that their minds can start to wonder.

Everyone is a bit insecure, it’s part of being human. The issue is that when you slow a relationship down and the person was enjoying the pace it was going, you need to give them some details about why you want to slow it down and reassure them that you still enjoy them. If you don’t like to talk a lot or aren’t the type who likes to give reasons, you have to remember that the relationship is new and the person you are with may not be used to your personality type. Relationships are scary for everyone. You are letting someone new into your life. What you need to remember is that in order to not chase them away and to keep their interest, you have to let their insecurities rest and tell them that extra sentence like “Let’s try later this week because I have to catch up on a ton of missed work” or “Let’s take it slowly because we just met and I want to enjoy the dating and courting process instead of just jumping into marriage. Say things like “I really like you and don’t want to screw it up by moving to fast” or “We’ll see each other again this week and keep it going at a pace we can both enjoy”.

Mixed signals aren’t fun, especially when you are in a new relationship. If you are about to slow down a relationship with someone, but you still want to be with that person, make sure you do me and them a favor. Let the person know the reasons why.

If you tell them you want to slow down and then you cannot see them for a few days or a week, give a reasonable answer and not just a couple of words or just say its because you have work to do. Open up and share with him or her a bit to let their nerves relax. Explain the project you are working on or why it takes forever. (If you bore the person with work you may get lucky and they won’t ask again. Just a small hint if you don’t like sharing.) If you don’t help calm their own insecurities when you slow down a relationship or give a mixed signal, then when you are ready to speed the relationship up again and become more serious again, they may have already begun to move on.

Love is funny how it can hit you hard and then fade away without you even realizing it. One of the saddest things I can think of is two people who start falling in love, one gets scared so they slow it down and the other stays falling away faster and faster without knowing it. Eventually the person fades away because they were the only one really in love in the beginning and not always feeling it back because the other person was scared. Then when the other person is ready, they have begun to move on and it is hard to pull them back.

On the other hand, if you are saying you should take it slow to start the break up process, do yourself and the other person a favor and just let them know. It isn’t only wrong to lead people on, but it is also wrong to play with someone’s emotions. If you are giving mixed signals to someone, just let them know why and don’t be distant. Distance can kill a new relationship and put a damper on love, even if you aren’t that far away physically.

August 13, 2011

Laurell K Hamilton’s New Book Hit List Reviewed

Filed under: Amazon.com,Non Wedding — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 9:07 pm
Laurell K Hamilton new book Hit List

Laurell K Hamilton new book Hit List

So I found out that Laurell K Hamilton finally released her next book for Anita Blake called Hit List.  To be honest I was so tired of reading Laurel K Hamilton because it was like really bad and cheesy porn.  Sure the first few times it was hot, but then it was really bad and trashy in your face porn.  The entire trip with Jason was a waste of a book.  It almost caused me to stop reading her books altogether.  Luckily Laurell started to get back to what made everyone love her books in the first place, action, romance and tons of violence!  Because I was so tired of all of the porn books she wrote, I was almost hesitant to buy this book because of the cover, but luckily I ended up deciding to buy it anyways and I am seriously glad I did.

Hit List by Laurel K Hamilton is amazing.  It isn’t her best book but it brings back everything we love about her books.  It features Edward for the story and he brings along his bounty hunter bffs Olaf and Bernardo and the four of them get ready to finally take on the Harlequin and Marme Noir.  Just like when Laurell was with Edward in Santa Fe, she has to bring back everything she learned, including a couple of tricks she learned on her last work trip with Edward.

Hit List by Laurell K Hamilton is an incredible read.  She finally brought back everything you could want in her books and leaves you on a high note.  I don’t want to ruin the end, but it will be interesting to see how she creates her next version of the bad guy, if she brings back some of the ones who were never finished, if they take on one of their own (even though the person/thing may not be their own in their minds) or if she will create a brand new enemy.  Laurell K Hamilton’s new book Hit List is a must read.  There isn’t much sex and there is a ton of drama and violence which is what we all love about her and her series.  If you haven’t bought Hit List by Laurell K Hamilton, use the links from amazon in this post as it will be much cheaper than going to the store like I did.  Please also feel free to leave a comment below with your thoughts on the book.

August 8, 2011

3 signs he’s not ready for relationships because he married his career

Filed under: gay dating,MyPartner.com — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 10:31 pm

If you’ve been dating and it seems like you’re not having luck with getting someone to be ready for a monogamous relationship, you may not be the problem.  The problem may be that you aren’t paying attention to the signs that the other person is giving off.  the other person may think they want to find love and be in a relationship, but the reality is that they may not be.  One of the leading signs that the person isn’t ready for a real relationship or love is if they are work obsessed.  Sometimes the only true love a person has is their job and work.  It doesn’t mean the person doesn’t like you or think you’re attractive, it just means their real priorities are with their career now and not in finding love.  If this is the person you are dating, then maybe you need to look somewhere else, unless you always want to be second place.  Here are three signs that the person is not ready for a relationship because he is already in one with his career.

Cell phones at the table.

If you are on a date and he brings his phone and answers it on your date, he is not only being rude to you, but he is also showing that his job and work is more important.  If he was really ready to date and find love, he would make it so that he could have 1 or 2 hours without his phone.  Everyone can do it from Fortune 500 executives to real estate agents.  It doesn’t matter if they are important or an assistant, they need to put down the phone and get to know you.  If they can’t do that during a dinner then they cannot commit to you because they are committed to their phone and their work.

Canceling dates regularly.

It’s understandable to have to cancel a date if something comes up.  It happens where you need to work on a project late or you have to do something.  The problem is if there is always something coming up and your dates are always getting canceled.  Not only is it rude to do to you because it stops you from being able to have your own life, but it also messes up your schedule.  If he always has things coming up, then you need to make sure the next thing that comes up is a finger saying goodbye.

Showing up late.

This is absolutely unacceptable.  Everyone can make sure they have enough time to make it to a date.  Sure you can get stuck in traffic or get lost finding the place, but if you are always late because you had to finish something at the office, you are a little late to be able to date.  Think about it this way, if he is always late when you are just dating, what’s it going to be like when you are in a committed relationship or married?  You plan special nights and anniversaries and he is always late.  You plan a surprise for him but he doesn’t make it home on time.  If he is always late when you are dating then you are setting yourself up for him always being late if your dating turns into something more long term.

One of the biggest problems with dating someone that is married to their career is that you will always be second.  Even if he is cute, well off and you are in love with him, think about your future.  Do you really want to be second to his career?  Do you want to wait at home alone at night while he’s late and do you want him to be working while you were supposed to be spending quality time.  If you want love and you want a husband and not someone who you love but are always second to a career to, then look for these three things.  If he is doing them then he is already married and guess what, it isn’t to you.

August 7, 2011

Gay Weddings in Utah, Brandon & Seth Congrats

Filed under: Bachelorette.com,Beau-Coup.com,TinyPrints.com — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 2:32 pm
gay weddings utah

gay weddings utah

I’d like to give a huge congrats to one of the best and most beautiful big gay weddings in Utah.  It is for a couple that I met here in DC, Brandon and Seth.  Not only did they find a fabulous venue for a Utah gay wedding, but they turned it into a spectacular event for everyone.  Surprisingly enough, certain cities in Utah are actually extremely gay friendly like Salt Lake City and have a thriving gay scene.  That makes it much easier for Utah gay weddings to take place, you just have to make sure that you are able to keep the religious freaks out of it in case they organize a protest.  (That’s why I always recommend using a large open space or a building where you cannot hear outside noise in case you get the Mormons’ protesting).  Anyways, here are some of the photos and background on Brandon and Seth as well as information on planning a gay wedding in Utah.

Brandon and Seth met at a bar in Salt Lake City Utah.  There was a definitely a connection and I

gay wedding in utah

gay wedding in utah

blame Facebook for this marriage because when Seth added Brandon to his friends list and wanted to connect on Facebook, Brandon jumped at the opening and asked him out.  See, you should never be afraid to take the first step if someone shows an interest and you are interested as well.  After dating for a while they ended up getting engaged and decided to finally tie the knot.  Instead of getting married in Salt Lake City where they had met, the two chose to have their wedding at the Canyon’s Resort in Park City Utah.

Not only is the Canyon’s Resort in Park City a great venue for gay weddings in Utah because it is gay friendly, but you get stunning mountain views, activities for the adventurous like an 8,000 foot above sea level gondola ride and even a spa to help all of your guests, and yourself get pampered and relax.  The menu looks ok for a mountain town, I wasn’t to impressed with looking at it, but I’m sure that their catering for a wedding is much better.

utah gay weddings

utah gay weddings

Overall I asked Brandon what he would recommend to gay couples who are planning gay weddings in Utah and he recommended this.

Pick a venue that you feel will represent you well.  Research your service providers and make sure they come recommended.  Most of all, take time to plan but also allow time to enjoy your special day!

If you’re planning your big gay wedding in Utah or anywhere else, please do your research so that everything works out before the wedding and you can take time to enjoy your wedding since it is your day with your partner.  Below are a few of the wedding vendors that I have relationships with and trust.  Let them know that you found them on Gay Wedding Gear and you may end up getting a discount.



August 5, 2011

Buy Cupcake Aprons – Order Cupcake Aprons on Sale Here

Filed under: FlirtyAprons.com,food,Wedding Gift — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 11:06 pm

So if you haven’t been under a rock for the last couple of years you’ve seen cupcake shops, tv shows and clothes like cupcake aprons popping up everywhere. Not only have the amazing little pastries taken over, but I found myself waiting in a 25 to 30 minute line in 98+ degree heat waiting to get into the famous Georgetown shop. With all of the insanity about these amazing desserts I wanted to share something that I randomly came across which is absolutely perfect for a wedding gift or even a just for fun gift. It is a cupcake apron and you can even buy cupcake aprons on sale for baking parties, girls nights out and for just fun for cooking in the Kitchen. Anyways, click on any of the images below and you’ll be able to buy cupcake aprons on sale from one of my favorite wedding gift shops.

cupcake apron

cupcake apron

 Women’s cupcake apron – $34.95This fabulous cupcake print apron is absolutely one of my very favorite aprons for baking.  Perfect for anyone who loves to bake or for anyone who just loves these mini desserts, he or she will go crazy over it if you buy cupcake aprons for him and him, him and her or her and her for their wedding.  The cupcake print aprons are above and beyond one of the most fun and loved wedding gifts.

brown and green cupcake apron

brown and green cupcake apron

 Brown and Green Cupcake Apron – $29.50This fabulously fun brown and green cupcake apron for women features everything from polka dots and stripes like the decorations you can use and they are bright colored browns and greens to keep you happy, smiley and ready to bake more.  The brown and green cupcake apron is above and beyond one of the best sellers.

fashionable black cupcake apron

fashionable black cupcake apron

Fashionable black cupcake apron – $25.95

This fabulous black cupcake apron is not only fashiobable for the fun fashionista baker, but it is great for the alternative lifestyle baker too.  Not only does it have a fun shape and design with the cuts, the ruffles and the white polka dots, but the accent with the bow on the side screams fashion and fun for the bakery.  This fashionable black cupcake apron is the absolute perfect apron to buy for any friend who loves to cook and even better for a cupcake baker who is tired of the typical aprons and wants something better and more unique.

August 2, 2011

5 things to do to ensure you won’t get a second date

Filed under: gay dating,MyPartner.com — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 12:39 am

So I’ve been on a string of really bad dates lately. The thing is that they always start out amazing and then either I say something stupid because I’m nervous or the other person does something dumb. The reality is that there are certain things you just shouldn’t do on dates, especially a first, second or third date and there are definitely things you shouldn’t say. Because of all of the stupid things I’ve said, other guys have said and the things that will definitely not get you a second date,,,unless the person is an idiot, here are my big 5 no nos for first, second and third dates.

1. Do not bring your friends.

You may feel like your friends are your support group and that they help you feel more confident. That’s because that is what friends are there for. The reality is that you are on a date and your goal is to try to get to know the person. If you surround them with your friends you will not only not get to know the person, but they will feel like a third wheel no matter how much fun your friends are. You also run the risk of them becoming a friend instead of a potential mate. You may want your friends there because you are nervous, but the nervous feeling is because you are meeting someone new and someone that you may end up falling in love with. Save the friends until you have been on multiple dates and you think the dating could turn into something.

2. Your my second choice, I found the other person more attractive.

This is one that i saw on The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo multiple times. The millionaire picks one person and tells that person that they were more attracted to the other person but Patty recommended someone like them instead because the other person would be better for them. Don’t ever put your date down like that! If you aren’t that interested and not thinking about them sexually, long term and about marriage then why are you bothering with them? Seriously, if you are thinking about sex first and marriage isn’t crossing your mind, that isn’t the right person for you. You have to have a spark and if someone else is sparking you but your dating someone because they are the right type then you are wasting your time and their time. Instead of insulting the person just let the date end friendly and then don’t go on a second. You don’t have to be rude and you don’t have to put people down. Unless the person is into being abused you will also lose any chance of a second date.

3. Talking about your ex, excessively.

You have to remember that your Ex is your Ex for a reason. It didn’t work. If you’re on a date it is because you are supposed to be moving on. If all you do is talk about your ex you are not only going to bore the shit out of your date, but you will guarantee that you won’t get another one or that it won’t last. You are basically saying you are still in love with you ex and that you are not ready to move on. If the date is serious about dating and doesn’t just want to sleep with you then you have now lost that person probably for good. If your date asks about your ex, make sure your answer is short, simple and somewhat funny if it is a negative comment. Try to say something positive but also that doesn’t go on and on or make it sound like you are still in love.

4. Do not over drink. Keep a 2 or 3 drink minimum.

I love to drink and I know most other singles who meet at bars or dinners love wine with their dinner during a date. The thing you have to remember is that you don’t want to look like an alcoholic and you want your mind and focus clear and coherent. You are dating because you want to really meet someone and fall in love. If you are drunk you won’t take in every signal if the person likes you or not and you may not get to really see the person for who he or she is. It is very important to not over drink and to limit yourself on the first few dates. Get to know the person before you go on a binger where you get trashed. Getting to know the person first is extremely important and something that will help you know if you should have a second date or not.

5. Don’t sleep with the person.

Ok, this is questionable. I like to know what I’m getting in to and what the other person has. At the same time sex can ruin the chances at falling in love and making it special. I have plenty of friends who have gotten married and slept together on the first date but at the same time I’ve also seen them get divorced and also have to open their relationship to keep it interesting. Although you want to sleep with the person on the first date, hold off until you get to know the person and you are in a committed monogamous relationship. Wanting to sleep with the person means you are attracted to them and you have a connection. If you can hold off you’ll have something to look forward to.

I know this list may not be the most fun, especially 4 and 5, but they could help you to figure out if the person is the right one for you. With 1 through 3, make sure you don’t screw your date up with them. Be polite if you aren’t into the person and then just don’t go on a second date. If you are really bored and you are trying to force a conversation, it isn’t rude to just say it isn’t working, offer to pay and actually try to pay and break the date early. Both of you will thank each other and not feel awkward, just don’t be rude and put the other person down. Getting a second date is easy, but if you don’t have the connection with the person where you are falling in love then it probably isn’t worth a second date. finding love isn’t tricky, finding the right person to love is. Don’t screw it up if you find the person and don’t force yourself to date someone if they are obviously wrong.

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