The GayWeddingGear.com Blog

April 19, 2013

Do You Invite People Who Voted Against Gay Marriage to Your Wedding?

Filed under: Gay Marriage,Gay Wedding Articles — Tags: do you invite family who voted against gay marriage to your gay wedding, do you invite people opposed to gay marriage to a gay wedding, who to invite to gay weddings — rollerbladerdc @ 11:41 pm

One thing that constantly bugs me about getting married and helping other people plan their gay weddings is what to do about inviting people who voted against gay marriage to your wedding. I have family members, including one who helped raise me, that I love and that is part of my life who voted against it. If I get married and he isn’t invited, he would be hurt more than anything. At the same time, he voted for me not to have the right to get married, what do you do? Here are a few other examples and how I handle them. You’ll need to make your own decisions and I would love your comments and feedback below.

Do you invite family members who voted against gay marriage to your gay wedding?

Trying to figure out if you should invite family members who voted against gay marriage to your gay wedding is one of the hardest ones to figure out. Yes, they tried to stop you from marrying the person you love, but if you care about them and they care about you, your wedding won’t be the same without them. When I’m talking to other people, here is what I go over with them and what I’ll have to think about with my own wedding.

Can the person behave and be ok with gay people around, you kissing your partner and sitting through something they are/were opposed to?
Could seeing an actual gay wedding help them to understand that there is nothing wrong with gay people getting married and that their opinion was flawed or incorrect?
Is their Husband or Wife pro gay marriage and will it effect his or her ability to come? Will they be offended or be put in an awkward position if both aren’t invited?
Can you honestly be happy with yourself knowing someone you love, that’s in your family and that helped raise you is not invited to the most important day of your life?
Are you going to feel like something is missing because you didn’t invite them in your wedding photos when you see they aren’t there? Even if they say no, at least you tried and may not feel as bad.
If they say no and do not come, will it effect your opinion of them and can that feeling of rejection be repaired? This goes two ways.

Trying to figure out if you should invited family members who voted against gay marriage to a gay wedding is a hard thing to do. I would personally invite them knowing that I did the right thing. If they say no, it will hurt at first, but at least I already somewhat knew the answer before hand. At the same time, they may surprise you and say yes because they do love you.

Do You Invite Friends Who Voted Against Gay Marriage to a Gay Wedding?

This one is a bit easier for me. I have a couple of friends who I met through work that I enjoy and really care about. They are supportive in my relationships and are always welcoming when they have met my boyfriends in the past. However, when it comes to voting for gay marriage, their religion stops them from voting for it. They believe in equal rights but not being able to get married or being recognized by the church. Although I care about them and enjoy them, I would not invite them because they can’t get past the real issue which is equal rights. For them its about religion and although they would show up and be supportive and friendly, it would also cause them to feel awkward. At the same time, going to a gay wedding for a friend that they have known for a long time could actually help to change their minds on gay marriage. Unfortunately, this can also create another issue. It is expensive to have more guests at a wedding.

Who do you invite to a gay wedding, friends you’ve known for a long time or friends who support gay marriage?

In the example above, I have known these people for years and love them. At the same time I have friends who I have known for less of a period of time, am not as close to, but they do support gay marriage, are becoming good friends and would not feel awkward at the wedding. They would enjoy it, bring in a positive attitude the entire time and nothing would be weird. Who do you invite, the friends you were/are closer to and have known for a long time or the friends which you have that you haven’t known as long but support your wedding and would also enjoy it without feeling awkward. I am always stuck with this one.

The more people you have the more money it costs. Do you risk having people feel awkward and ruining other people’s times at your wedding, and also risk hurting their feelings or do you bring people who would enjoy everything at your wedding and have an amazing time. You want the people you care about there, but you don’t want any negativity or awkward emotions or feelings at your wedding. I usually try to figure out what the odds are of the people who voted against gay marriage showing up and then wait to see. If they are out of town you can ask them first if they would want to come, and if they are local to you just ask. If they sound awkward at all about it on the phone, then you have your answer and let them know that they sound like they aren’t 100% sure so maybe it’s not a good idea. Make sure you also let them know you still care about them and aren’t offended that they couldn’t make it. If they get excited about the wedding and say yes, then send them an invitation and hope they are still that excited when they get to your wedding. You’ll have to make that decision based on their reactions.

You have to remember that at weddings you have alcohol and things that could end up making someone who was opposed to gay marriage have an outburst, especially if they’re drunk. If you have people there who are opposed to gay marriage, even though they love you, they could also ruin the wedding for other guests. It is a really odd thing to not invite someone you love or care about, but you also have to remember that it is your big day and something you don’t want any negativity at. Please feel free to leave a comment below with your own opinions and what you would do or if you are married what you did do. Please also feel free to share this post on Facebook and Twitter to see what other people think.

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May 9, 2012

My Reaction to NC and Banning Gay Marriage & What is Marriage

Yesterday North Carolina banned gay marriage and amended their constitution. It was not only sad that they did this, but what was even more sad was that it was such a small part of the state that turned out to vote. I kept wondering what would happen if the entire state showed up. there is a good chance that the amendment would have still passed, but by how far. After the vote passed to amend the constitution, Obama decided to come out and say that he now supports gay marriage. I think it’s great that he now supports gay marriage, but something really bugs me about what he said.

Some of my friends are against gay marriage, even though I’m gay and they are my friends. That doesn’t stop us from being friends, but it does make me sad to think that they wouldn’t show up to my wedding if I called it a marriage. They do however support the word civil union instead of gay marriage and they would show up to my wedding if I called it a union. The reason they have an issue with it is that they are religious, but more importantly they feel that there is a long standing tradition and meaning, both religious and socially, behind the word marriage. That is where I have the problem.

When people are saying that marriage is a religious term or has a lot of tradition and meaning, they are forgetting that gays feel the same way. There are tons of gay who are religious and are good Christians, Jews and other faiths. They go to church every week, they celebrate the holidays in a traditional manner like Yom Kippur or Christmas and they are very devout to their beliefs. When you say the word marriage to these people, they have the same emotional attachment to the word or term that the people who are opposed to marriage have. Why should it be any different?

If gay people go to church, worship the same God and are just as good of followers as their heterosexual counterparts, why shouldn’t they get to feel the same meaning and emotion behind the word marriage. When my friends asked why I wouldn’t be ok with the term civil union, I asked them why we can’t call their marriage a civil union. They instantly said that it’s because it is a religious thing. Guess what, I’m Jewish and very proud to be a Jew. I too feel meaning behind the word marriage and I think that I am good enough to have that word describe a relationship where I am monogamous and loyal to my partner when I find the right person, just like you feel like you have the right to have the same feelings about that word.

Civil unions are about equal rights and I support them because that is one of the most important things. Marriage is something that carries tradition and emotion and that is why I love the word. Although I would be happy to have equal rights, I am very happy that I get to also enjoy the word marriage because I live in Washington DC where gay marriage is legal. One thing I wish politicians and people would think about is that marriage doesn’t just mean something to straight people, but it also means the same to gay people. Ask a straight person why we can’t change their marriage to a union and then ask again why a gay person who has the same religious beliefs as them should have to settle for it.

It is very sad what happened in North Carolina yesterday, but at least it may help other states to get gay voters and people who support equal rights to come out and vote in their states to help protect gay couples and gay marriage. Luckily for gay couples in North Carolina, Washington DC is only 1 state away and they are always welcome to come here. It is also great to see that Obama finally came out and said that he now supports gay marriage.

On a different note, I just saw these images on Facebook. I don’t know where they came from so if it is yours let me know and I’ll post a link to give you credit for it.

NC gay marriage legal

gays and reproduction

North Carolina funny wedding card

hillary clinton quote on gay people

Newt Gingrich on Obamas Gay Marriage

infographic on NC amendment voters and college degrees

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September 17, 2010

The Difference between Gay Weddings and Straight Weddings is Emotions.

Filed under: Gay Marriage,Gay Wedding Articles — Tags: are gay weddings different than straight weddings, difference between gay weddings and straight weddings, gay weddings — rollerbladerdc @ 4:32 pm

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There has to be a large difference between gay weddings and heterosexual marriages and if that’s the case, what is the difference?

To be honest that there is not a large difference between a gay wedding and a straight wedding. It is in the feelings powering the wedding. Regardless of wherever you go, if there is a gay wedding or a very heavily publicized gay wedding, there will be emotional baggage and not just good or happy, but a huge mix of emotions.

A wedding ceremony is a wedding ceremony. You have a happy set of lovers, friends and family members, a wedding band, cake and someone to bless their marriage. You have 2 individuals that firm up their passion for each other and declare that they will be alongside one another no matter what happens. Weddings are amazing and romantic and full of emotion. The family and friends cry, the happy couple, the brides and bride or the groom and groom are nervous, joyful and excited to begin their lives together and for the lgbt community it means a lot more than it does to the straight community for the reason that until recently, gays were not allowed to get married.

Due to the fact that gays were not allowed to get married, they were not able to have equal rights. They were not able to pay a visit to each other if one of them would end up in the hospital, get parental rights, have rights to the income and live the life that they built with their significant other if one passes away, etc… It was a horrible way to live understanding that if anything happened to the person you loved and spent your life with you could do nothing to help them and not even get to be there with their life partner if they would end up in the hospital or on their death bed. It was an absolutely horrible way to live and for that reason when certain States and the District of Columbia approved gay marriage making it legal, lgbt couples flocked to those states and to Washington DC.

Not only did the gay weddings bring in a nice economic burst for the states and for Washington DC, but gay marriage also brought a feeling of joy and celebration. When you have a community that was kept down for so long and then they are provided freedoms and equal rights, especially ones that involve one of the strongest emotions, love, then when they can finally have those same legal rights that everyone else had, the feeling is a lot more meaningful. A lot of women felt it when they got the right to vote, African American people felt it when they were freed from slavery and gay people are starting to get that same feeling of equality as gay marriage has become legal. That is why there is an extra sense of emotion and also tension when you are at a gay wedding ceremony vs. a straight wedding. It is the celebration not only of love, but also of equality. You do have to bear in mind that I mentioned there were mixed feelings as well.

You’ve still got many States and Commonwealth’s that do not allow gay marriage. There are also a ton of faith based groups that oppose gay marriage too because they think that god hates or discriminates against gays. The truth is that God is supposed to love everyone and make them in his/her own image. If this may be the case, why would he/she despise gays? Because of this unknown reason for loathing a community that never really did anything wrong, these religious groups create protests outside of some gay marriage ceremonies.

These types of protestors stand there with their posters and shout at the individuals who are going in to the gay wedding ceremony. Not only is it offensive but how would they like it if other people showed up and shouted over their ceremonies while they were getting married? The thing is that although gay men and women and gay couples are used to this sort of treatment, heterosexual people usually are not and they sometimes get upset by it. They may lash out at the protestors and they may yell back at them. The thing that they need to keep in mind is that this day isn’t about the protestors, it is about the happy couple and honoring them. If they don’t respond to the protestors and they proceed to feel happy and send out good feelings to the couple getting married, the protestors at some point give up and the only emotion you feel in the building is love and that is the most important and one of the most powerful ones out there.

I was looking at a few websites about gay weddings and they inspired me to write a post about what the actual difference between a gay wedding and a heterosexual wedding ceremony actually is. For me it is about the emotions involved in the two. Each are about love but one is also about the celebration of freedom and equal rights and to watch a couple or the Mother and Father of a couple who had to watch as their Son or Daughter that wasn’t able to marry one another be given the equal rights and be allowed to get married. Because of the equal rights, the emotions run even higher at a gay wedding and reception than they would at a traditional straight wedding ceremony.

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