The GayWeddingGear.com Blog

March 11, 2013

What is the best gay dating sites – Match, OKCupid or Gay.com

Filed under: gay dating,Match.com for gays — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 3:48 pm
What is the best gay dating site?

What is the best gay dating site?

Best Gay Dating Site Reviews

Best Gay Dating Site Reviews

Gay.com vs. OkCupid vs. Match.com gay dating

Gay.com vs. OkCupid vs. Match.com gay dating




What are the best gay dating sites: Match.com, OkCupid or Gay.com?

Match.com, OkCupid and Gay.com have all been battling it out for the position of the best gay dating site. However, the best gay dating site for you is going to depend on if you are willing to go for a paid account, if you plan on using the site to hookup and a number of other factors. After reading our reviews of the top gay dating sites, you should be able to figure out whether Match.com, OkCupid, or Gay.com is the best gay dating site for you.

A review of Match.com vs. OkCupid

OkCupid is a very gay friendly dating site. When you set up your account, it asks a lot of important questions ranging from sexual positions and drugs to cheating and STDs. As these are pretty basic and preliminary things anyone wants to know about a potential partner, I thought it was great that it could help filter out compatibility on these issues ahead of time. OkCupid is also one of the only dating sites that actually really diggs down into compatibility and asks if you’re a top, a bottom or vers.

If you are wondering what dating site offers best free account, I would have to say OkCupid. You can send and receive unlimited messages, see who has viewed your profile, and it even offers a live chat feature. However, upgrading to an OkCupid paid account only makes it an even better gay dating site. The paid account turns off all of the ads and allows you to browse anonymously. The OkCupid paid account also provides a massive boost for your profile views — as soon as I upgraded, I went from about 3 weekly profile visitors to over 115. I would say that the massive jump was more than worth paying about $20 a month. While the odd woman or ethnicity I had requested to be filtered out slipped through, OkCupid has definitely been an effective gay dating site. I also get to see who has rated my highly and shown a lot of interest in me with the paid account for OkCupid Gay Dating.

Match.com definitely was more of a straight than gay oriented dating site. First of all, it does not ask if you are a top, bottom or vers. No one wants to spend hours getting ready for a date just to find out that they are both tops. Another slap in the face is that while Match.com does offer mixers, which could be a great feature, they do not have them for gay people, from what I could tell. I was also regularly paired with women, and the occasional bisexual woman, despite having clearly checked off that I was a gay man. Even when Match.com got both the sex and sexual preference correct, a huge portion of the profile pictures were just bad and did not accurately represent the person behind the profile.

After using the Match.com free account and realizing that I couldn’t message people or see who had viewed my profile, I had hoped that upgrading to a paid account would turn it into a better gay dating site. Unfortunately, while I could message everyone, they could only message back if they were also on a paid account. Also, after upgrading there were still as many ads as with the free account (which is a lot!) and despite their 6 month guarantee, I had to jump through hoops to get them to give me the free 6 months. After showing customer service that I had met all the requirements multiple times, they did eventually give me the free 6 months from their guarantee. However, they were definitely not nice about it and acted like honoring their word was doing me a huge favor.

What is a better gay dating site: Match.com or OkCupid?

Match.com fails to hold a candle to OkCupid. Lacking important and simple questions that are crucial to the gay dating scene, and inaccurate photos, you may as well just go pick someone up offline instead on a blind date. Match.com also almost forces you to use the paid account, since you can’t even message for free or easily communicate with people. Instead you get emails saying this person is interested but you cannot reach out to them. This would be tolerable, but if you have a bad experience after upgrading, Match.com attempts to weasel out of their guarantee. Match.com is definitely not the best gay dating site. I did however meet a couple of great people and one who I absolutely fell in love with. We didn’t end up staying together but we are still good friends. I do think they did a good job with that one.

OkCupid, on the other hand, does a great job of helping ensure some amount of compatibility, and also offers great features, like instant messaging, even if you are only using the free account. OkCupid is hands down better than Match.com.

A review of Gay.com vs. Match.com

While the majority of dating sites are primarily geared towards straight people, this obviously is not an issue with Gay.com. Not worrying about a poorly functioning filter that places you with the occasional straight guy is a nice, if trivial, benefit of Gay.com. Gay.com also has great chat features, including unlimited video chat, and also offers geo-location, so you can easily find out who is in your neighborhood.

One thing that I did not like about Gay.com was the amount of fake, outdated and generally misrepresentation of peoples profile pictures. It isn’t their fault, but they should try and check to make sure pictures are as accurate as possible. This was also an issue with Match.com, but on a smaller scale. Whenever I met up with someone from Gay.com I would have to worry about if their picture was from ten years ago, or if I was even about to meet the person I had checked out online. However, to balance that out, you can get way racier with the photos you post and view on Gay.com as nudity may be ok with them meaning you could find quick dates and hookups as well as actual dates for a relationship. One feature that I thought was great is the ability to control who sees which pictures. This way instead of private messaging dirtier ones, you can just check them off on a list as you become more comfortable with them.

Compared to Match.com, Gay.com seems to cater to an older crowd, but for some reason there are a ton of people who look way too young to meet the 18 year old age requirement it posts during the sign up process.

The free section is definitely better than Match.com, although that does not say much. While also covered with ads, it offers limited instant messaging and email, so you can at least test out the service without buying it. Since Match.com gives you no emails or messaging for free, you are not going to be able to accomplish much without signing up.

Which gay dating site is best: Match.com or Gay.com?

Gay.com beats Match.com in our gay dating site reviews. Match.com’s shoddy filters just cannot compete with the all gay community found on the other site. Also, with cripplingly limited free options, Match.com does not give its users a good chance to test their service before upgrading to premium.

A review of OkCupid vs. Gay.com

If you have been paying attention to this review of the best gay dating sites, it should be clear that Match.com is not coming out ahead. But this still begs the question; which is a better gay dating site: Gay.com or OkCupid?

Gay.com offers a community aspect that none other services in this review of the best gay dating sites do. The homepage is filled with local and national news, which can be great for coming up with relevant topics to message people about and find fun local date activities. Also, if you read through the front page right before your date, you should have some interesting current events to discuss and fill up any awkward silences.

Another thing Gay.com does well is keep it sexy. With their live chat and laissez-faire attitude towards nudity, it definitely spices things up more than answering often mundane personality questions. While OkCupid is definitely tamer in general, they do have a secret weapon for those who are feeling extra risky, which I personally have never been brave enough to try out.

OkCupid might be the only gay dating site offering blind dates, and they are available to both the free and premium accounts. With the blind date feature, you simply put in where and when you are interested in meeting someone, be it a bar, restaurant, or other venue, and it will search for other people interested in meeting at the same place and time. Although I have not used it, I can definitely see the benefit of it for those looking to meet someone, and fast!

Which gay dating site is best: OkCupid or Gay.com?

This review of the best gay dating sites clearly showed OkCupid and Gay.com as the top contenders. Gay.com can definitely be more exciting than the other services. With nudity, cam chat, and the occasional massive difference between the person you saw on your computer screen and the one you see sitting across from you, Gay.com is definitely edgy.

OkCupid can be a little slower and more tedious. You can spend a lot of time answering personality questions, and you generally have to at least contact someone before you get to take them home. However, considering its fantastic and free functionality, OkCupid emerges on top in this review of the best gay dating sites. It is also more geared towards actual dating in my opinion which makes it the best gay dating site.

Each of the services in our best gay dating site reviews has their place, depending on what you are into. If you want to find your perfect soul mate, go for OkCupid. Looking for a date but ok with stumbling into a hookup? Then Gay.com may be the best gay dating site for you. And if you want to get a premium account and have a smaller chance but meet a decent person, there is no better place than Match.com. Just figure out what you are looking for in the best gay dating site for you, or just try out all three by clicking the banners above.

December 21, 2012

When is an innapropriate question isn’t innapropriate?

Filed under: gay dating,Match.com for gays,Non Wedding — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 5:36 pm
Gay Dating - Meet Single Guys

Gay Dating – Meet Single Guys

I was seeing this guy and we ended up going to the actual step of real dating.  We had also ended up starting to sleep with each other because we did become close and felt like it was moving forward nicely.  We both liked each other a lot and we both felt really comfortable around each other.  He is an awesome guy and he even came over without even knowing me to take care of me when I had the flu the other week.  So why am I referring to him in the past tense?  I ended up dumping him, we am breaking it off tomorrow when we are supposed to hang out again for another date.  Here’s why.

The other night we were having sex and it was bugging me that I saw him on Manhunt.  It shouldn’t have, because I was on there too, but it did make me want to ask how many people he had slept with since we met, especially because the two of us were getting serious.  I thought the question was inappropriate when I thought of it, I knew he would as well, and because we were having sex it was probably the worst time to ask.  Unfortunately I decided to ask anyways.

He responded by saying that is inappropriate and I shouldn’t be asking him that.  Then I realized something after he said that.  We finished having sex, took a shower and I decided it was over.  Instead of our normal cuddling on the couch, I hurried him out and he looked confused as to why I was rushing him out.  The thing is that when you are in a relationship or even dating someone, but you actually move it forward to where you are going out to meet each other’s friends, I think you have a right to know how many other people the person is sleeping with.

When you have sex with someone, you put yourself at risk.  When you are getting close to becoming a couple, you need to be able to ask and know things about each other.  Because he said he wouldn’t answer and that the question was inappropriate, I knew he was sleeping with other people which didn’t bug me.  It’s the fact that he wouldn’t answer that made me dump him.  Neither of us reached a point where we were ready to go monogamous so we are free to sleep with whoever and both of us have gone on other dates.  However we were starting to move towards monogamy and I wanted to know how many other people there were or how many he has hooked up with.  If he cannot answer that, then he is either not ready for a relationship or you can expect him to keep secrets from you.

I like honesty in a relationship and if someone can’t answer something that simple before you are in one, it isn’t going to be a good fit.  I guess I am finally growing up.  The sex is fun, he is an awesome guy, but if he won’t open up or be honest, it’ll never work.  That is why I am breaking it off with him.  It’s kind of funny how an inappropriate question can actually be a completely appropriate question and if the person won’t answer, then they are more than likely the type of person who will hide things from you and lie.  That isn’t the type of person you should want in your life so if you want to know an answer to a question and he won’t answer, let him go.  It’s not worth putting yourself through that, worrying, wondering and knowing he’s lying to you.  You’ll eventually meet someone better who won’t do it and won’t be afraid to admit how many people they have been sleeping with, etc…

December 5, 2012

10 perfect ex boyfriend gifts for christmas and hanukah

Filed under: gag gifts,gay dating,Non Wedding — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 9:22 pm

I know you all wait for this post or tweet or share each year, but I was kind of scared to post today because I just met someone and we have another date tonight and tomorrow.  He also knows I blog and is going to see this one.  Because of that I was going to hold off, but at the same time, he should know that I have a dark sense of humor.  Because of that, here are my top ten christmas gifts and hanukah gifts for ex boyfriends.  Feel free to leave your own favorite gift in the comments section.


Nix Lice Treatment Family Pack – Works On Pubic Crabs Too!
1.  Nix -  This is the perfect holiday gift for an ex boyfriend who has a new boyfriend.  Not only does nix “work on pubic lice too”, but this is the family sized version so he’s sure to have enough for that untrimmed bush.  Let’s hope his new boyfriend loves seafood because with this gift, he’ll be “itching” for a claw craker and mallet.


Redneck Wine Glass
2.  The mason jar wine glass set.   The holidays are the perfect time to meet the family.  Just so his new boyfriend knows what he’s getting into, let him know how classy the bitch is with these fabulous and glamorous, mason jar wine glasses.  The only thing better is when he puts ice in his red wine or wants it chilled.


3. Another holiday favorite, the red ex boyfriend knife holder. Perfect for a reminder of how his ex’s feel, you’ll get your message across when he opens this fun houseware on the holidays. But don’t worry, it comes in festive colors like red or silver.

Ugly Children Gum

Ugly Children Gum

4. Ugly Children Bubblegum – Remember when you would sit up and think about how cute your kids were going to be?  Let his new boyfriend know about these thoughts and that you wish them nothing but the best of luck with having a cute kid by sending him ugly children bubblegum to make sure his Quasimodo bastard child will be as ugly as his soul.


Instant Mullet W/ Headband   5.  If the mason jar wine glasses weren’t enough of a warning, send him this instant mullet headband.  When the new boyfriend watches him throw it on and get ready to party, he’ll have a better idea of why you broke up in the first place.


Smaller Condoms – Big Protection for Small Penises – $3.99
6.  I always love when he waits for the fifth date, an anniversary or special occasion to have sex for the first time.  I love to make an impression and get the “balls” rolling with his new boyfriend.  That’s why it’s always fun to send them enough protection for even the “smallest” chance one of them would have something.


7.  Speaking of small problems, why not help him clean that one up under his lip with cold sore cream and ointment.  Nothing screams no more oral like a cold sore that doesn’t go away,,,or that his new boyfriend didn’t think to look for.


Douche Bag Gum
8.  If you don’t think I’m one already, then why not let him know how you really feel.  Send him douche bad gum so that when he goes to freshen his breath, everyone around him will know what to expect.  Not to mention that he could really use the first word on the name tag as well.  Let’s face it, his breath only stinks because of all the sh*t that comes out of it so a pack of “douche” bag gum is the perfect thing to freshen his breath.


Butt Pirate – A Vanilla Scented Anal Douche – $5.99
9.  This is a fun one to send him with a note for his new boyfriend to let him know that he not only needs to clean out more, but also needs something scented and flavored to make it even slightly appealing to go down there.  That’s why there’s butt pirate vanilla scented and flavored anal douches.


10.  If you haven’t scared the new boyfriend off yet, try this to show him how psycho you are, and after that one leaves, make him look like a psycho when his next boyfriend finds the ex-boyfriend ashes money jar sitting in the kitchen or in his house.

Those are my top ten favorite ex boyfriend gifts for christmas and hanukah.  Feel free to leave your own favorite in the comments section below.  Let’s also hope my date doesn’t find this post before we go out tonight lol.  Thank you again for reading and feel free to share this on twitter and facebook as well.  If you need a coupon for any of the stores above, leave a comment and I’ll email one to you.

July 4, 2012

Top or Bottom – What’s Missing from Match.com for Gays

Filed under: gay dating,Match.com for gays,Non Wedding — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 3:41 pm
Match.com coupons

Match.com coupons


I recently signed up for Match.com to see if they could actually help me find true love.  Although I have gone on a ton of dates, the one or two people that I really liked and that liked me ended up not being compatible with me because of sexual positions.  The thing is that although Match.com has an awesome screening process and a great selection of guys, they unfortunately don’t have it set up for gay people.  Gay people need certain other matching qualities and characteristics that have to be defined to properly match a gay couple.  One of the most important is asking if you are a Top or a Bottom or actually Versatile.  Although this may make it seem like a hookup site, it actually wouldn’t make it a hookup site but a more powerful tool for people seeking love.

The worst thing to find out what I met this one guy is that we are both tops and rarely ever want to switch.  Although we would have gotten along as friends, we already built an emotional bond, but neither of us would always or regularly bottom, no matter how much we liked each other.  If Match.com for gays would add in a few things like a field that asks Top, Bottom or Versatile, this could add to the matching process based on preferred positions and sexual compatibility.   Straight people don’t have to worry about this since they have different parts, but for Match.com for gay people, this is something they should really consider.  A second thing to consider is race and gender preference.

Although I have no issues with any one of any race or gender preference, I am simply not attracted to some people and to transgendered people.  Unfortunately Match.com for Gay people does not allow me to filter them out from my searches or for the daily matches they send me.  Not only would this help them to send me people I may be interested in, but it would create a much better user experience.  What if someone saw my picture but I had no interest, or vice versa, based on race or gender, getting rejection after rejection could create a negative experience and cost them money.  Match.com for gay people should really consider adding in gender and race filters.

One last thing that Match.com for gays should think about is adding status.  Many gay sites have positive, unsure, negative or something else like they don’t want to say or undetectable.  Although straight people may not think about this as much, gay people do.  If positive people are looking for other positive people or a negative person has no desire, this could be another great filter that doesn’t waste peoples’ time.  If Match.com for gays would add this in they could really match people closer on if they are opened to dating someone who is poz, opposed to it or would think about it.

The truth is that Match.com for gay people is a great service.  The problem is that Match.com for gays doesn’t have the extra things that are important for gay people who are looking for relationships and love.  If Match.com for gay people would add in these extra things, they could easily become one of the best matchmaking services for gay people around.

May 2, 2012

A Picnic To Go – Awesome for Dates & Anniversaries

Filed under: food,gay dating,The Fruit Company — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 5:28 pm
Picnic To Go Gift Basket

Picnic To Go Gift Basket

With beach season here I am on a serious diet.  And by serious diet I mean half a pizza instead of a hole one and soda water with raspberries instead of a raspberry vodka and soda…ok the last one is a bit of a lie.  Anyways, with beach season here, dating season is pretty much in full swing since everyone wants to be outside and fall in love.  I had a date for tonight but he cancelled on me and we rescheduled for this weekend.  When thinking about things to do, I was thinking go for a walk then coffee and dinner if we are getting a long, until I realized it was Cinco De Mayo and he’s a spanish teacher.  Instead I decided lets do a cooking date since I have an awesome recipe for pinata cookies and margaritas.  That also got me to start looking for fun things that could be used on a date and that’s when I found the Picnic To Go Gift Basket. 

The Picnic To Go Gift Basket is basically like a pre packed picnic basket that has everything you’ll need for an awesome and romantic picnic.  It has cheese, crackers and meats, tons of fresh fruits and it looks like salted or chocolate covered nuts with an all natural cider.  You’ll have to check the website for everything by clicking here.

Not only does buying a premade Picnic To Go Basket take time out of having to prep and pack one, but it also makes it easier to not forget anything and have a huge option in case the person ends up being a vegetarian, keeping kosher or has an allergy to something like nuts.  The pre packed picnic basket is perfect because of the huge selection of food inside and it absolutely perfect for anniversaries as well as dates.  Not only is it gorgeous, but it makes you want to start eating it asap just from looking at the photo.  I think I may end up buying one for this guy if we end up liking each other and because it’s about to be summer so the weather is perfect for a picnic.  This is a definite thing that I love if you’re looking for a fun way to have a nice surprise date and want to get to know someone or be romantic.  Nothing is more romantic than a picnic with a bottle of wine and a sunset with someone you are getting along with.

September 17, 2011

How do you know if you should break up with him?

Filed under: gay dating,MyPartner.com — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 1:38 pm

I’ve been having a few issues in my relationship lately. I just really feel alone all the time. Relationships, especially new ones are supposed to be exciting, make you feel full and in love. When they don’t then there is something wrong. You may feel like you are in love, and it hurts to think about not being with the other person, but if they aren’t giving off of the same amount of love or if you can’t feel it from them, then there is a serious disconnect. You could both be in love with each other, but if one of you isn’t ready for the relationship, the other person could be hurting and you wouldn’t even know about it. Here are a few things to think about if you are in a relationship and feeling alone. If you feel any of these things, then you may need to think about if it is the right time to be with that person.


When you get together, what is the greeting he gives you? Do you get a friendly kiss or an I’m in love with you kiss? Are his eyes closed or opened? Does he smile or show emotion? Does he give you a kiss like a friend and what is the hug like? These are all questions you need to ask yourself when you see each other. You also need to think about the way you greet him when you see him.

What does he do when you are visiting him? If you haven’t seen him for a few days or a week, does he cuddle with you or sit with you? Does he hold your hand or put his arm around you? If you are watching tv, is he watching with you or playing on his computer? Does he stay in the same room with you? Does he play with something or look through a collection or pay attention to other things?

Before bed and in the morning, what does he do? If he has a pet, does he give the pet more attention than you? Does the dog or cat get a bigger hug, told they are loved and a huge kiss? What do you get compared to it? In the morning, are you greeted with at least the same type of hug or attention as the dog or cat? How does he say good morning and good night to you? If he hugs the dog when getting out of bed, does he also give you a hug or a small kiss?

What does he do in bed? Does he cuddle with you and if he does for how long? If he used to cuddle with you, does he still? Is he near you in bed or does he stay against the very edge? If you try to cuddle, does he let you for a bit or does he constantly pull away? If he pulls away, is it every night or just every once in a while?

Does he have sex with you? Does he let you have sex with him when you want to? Does he push for sex with you? Does he treat sex like its a chore or something he has to do or is it something he is enjoying? Does he seem like he wants sex with you? Does he enjoy it and want to shower with you, hold you, or give you attention after?

New relationships are supposed to be exciting and you are supposed to be in love. You need to ask yourself all of these questions. You also need to think about if he is ready for a relationship. Sometimes he may be in love with you, but he isn’t ready to be in a relationship. Just because he isn’t ready for a relationship now, that doesn’t mean you he won’t be ready later on. If you are always feeling alone because your partner isn’t ready, there is no point in making yourself miserable. Being miserable, but in love, isn’t a good type of love at all. It is hard to break up with someone, but sometimes you have to because its the right thing to do for yourself. It doesn’t mean you don’t love the person, it just means you have to make sure that you are also ok and that you are doing what is right for you. When the person is finally ready to be in love with you, or to be in a relationship with you, you may still be available and then you can start again and get married. Until then you should enjoy life and never feel alone, especially if you are in a relationship with someone you love.

August 29, 2011

Cheating, is it ok and is it cheating if you are not together?

Filed under: gay dating — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 11:54 pm

So one thing that is always confusing is cheating.  I’m not talking about going around and sleeping with a ton of people on a regular basis, that is grounds for definitely being dumped.  What I’m referring to is if you are just starting to date someone and you are sort of only seeing each other, but nobody has said that it is officially monogamous.  (BTW, this is not about me and my new relationship, this is from an email from a reader who wanted to know my opinion.)  The other thing I am talking about is if your partner screws up and hooks up with someone.  I cannot answer for everyone or even anyone else, but if it were my relationship, here is what I would do.

Is it cheating if you are not officially together?

If you have to ask then you already know the answer.  If you feel guilty that you kissed, made out or even slept with someone besides the person you are dating or seeing, you probably cheated.  It means that you really like the person you are seeing and that you obviously screwed up.  Think about it, if you didn’t feel guilty then you wouldn’t be asking this question.  If you’re the person who is on the other side and found out the other person is hooking up with others, then it is your job to address it and make it either officially monogamous or realize that they are not the right one for you because they still want to sleep with others.

The thing about new relationships and new love is that you shouldn’t even have the desire to sleep with others.  If you do then you may not have true love, but you may have short term lust which can feel like the same thing.  If you hookup with someone because you were drunk and you feel guilty, then in my opinion you cheated because you did actually like the person you are dating.

If you feel guilty then talk to the person you’re dating and make it official.  If you find him or her dating others and it bothers you and makes you feel like they are cheating, let them know you are ready for the next step.  If you are ready to commit and they aren’t, there is no reason to put yourself through paranoia or those horrible feelings of knowing the person you like is with someone else and I would recommend you end the relationship.  If for some reason they are ready in the future and you think that you can love them again, you can always give it another try.

What should I do if I cheated on my partner? What should I do if I found out my partner cheated?

This is a tricky one.  Here is the answer from my perspective.  If my partner cheats, I want him to call me just before it happens or right after.  I want to know that he did it so that he is honest with me and if he used a condom, swallowed or did anything that could put me and my health in danger.  I’m not going to dump him if he is honest with me and tells me, no matter how bad the f*ck up is, but he is definitely going to have to buy flowers, possibly jewelry and is definitely going to have to make it up with a nice dinner and tons of footrubs.  It hurts to get cheated on, but if it is a one time thing and your partner is honest then forgive them, but also make them make it up to you.  Now if you cheated that is another story.

The best thing for cheating in a relationship is honesty.  You need to be honest and you need to tell your partner.  You also need to use a condom if you can remember or get tested immediately after.  You screwed up and it happens.  It sucks because you hurt your partner who is someone you love, but that doesn’t mean you have to end your relationship.  Be honest and tell them before they find out on their own.  There is nothing worse than going home pretending nothing happened and having the person you love find out on their own.  Do me and your partner a favor, call them immediately, rush home or somehow let them know.  You are the one who cheated on them and you need to grow a pair and admit to doing it.  It isn’t easy to do but it is the right thing to do.

I don’t agree with cheating at all.  I think you should only sleep with your partner.  That is why you are in a relationship.  If you don’t know if you are officially monogamous, ask your partner and let them know how you feel.  If you are in a relationship and you cheat, let your partner know.  They may hate you for a while, but if they truly loved you and you really feel bad about it, they will eventually forgive you.

August 28, 2011

How To Handle Getting Mixed Signals from Guys

Filed under: gay dating — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 4:30 pm

One thing that is the same for both straight and gay couples are mixed signals. They not only drive us both crazy, but they put some serious strains on relationships. One day everything is going smooth and you are falling in love. All of the sudden the next day the person springs something on you like “we should take it slower” or “Lets try to meet up later this week” but doesn’t give a reason why. Although there is nothing wrong with saying those things, mainly because sometimes you do need to slow down or maybe the person is just busy and has to get some things done, but what drives the other person crazy is when there is no explanation behind it.

I know that some people don’t talk much or like short answers. Unfortunately that is just some personality traits. The problem when you are dating someone that likes you is that when you don’t give an explanation as to why you want to slow down or why you would say “maybe” if they want to hang out, or “lets try later this week” is that their minds can start to wonder.

Everyone is a bit insecure, it’s part of being human. The issue is that when you slow a relationship down and the person was enjoying the pace it was going, you need to give them some details about why you want to slow it down and reassure them that you still enjoy them. If you don’t like to talk a lot or aren’t the type who likes to give reasons, you have to remember that the relationship is new and the person you are with may not be used to your personality type. Relationships are scary for everyone. You are letting someone new into your life. What you need to remember is that in order to not chase them away and to keep their interest, you have to let their insecurities rest and tell them that extra sentence like “Let’s try later this week because I have to catch up on a ton of missed work” or “Let’s take it slowly because we just met and I want to enjoy the dating and courting process instead of just jumping into marriage. Say things like “I really like you and don’t want to screw it up by moving to fast” or “We’ll see each other again this week and keep it going at a pace we can both enjoy”.

Mixed signals aren’t fun, especially when you are in a new relationship. If you are about to slow down a relationship with someone, but you still want to be with that person, make sure you do me and them a favor. Let the person know the reasons why.

If you tell them you want to slow down and then you cannot see them for a few days or a week, give a reasonable answer and not just a couple of words or just say its because you have work to do. Open up and share with him or her a bit to let their nerves relax. Explain the project you are working on or why it takes forever. (If you bore the person with work you may get lucky and they won’t ask again. Just a small hint if you don’t like sharing.) If you don’t help calm their own insecurities when you slow down a relationship or give a mixed signal, then when you are ready to speed the relationship up again and become more serious again, they may have already begun to move on.

Love is funny how it can hit you hard and then fade away without you even realizing it. One of the saddest things I can think of is two people who start falling in love, one gets scared so they slow it down and the other stays falling away faster and faster without knowing it. Eventually the person fades away because they were the only one really in love in the beginning and not always feeling it back because the other person was scared. Then when the other person is ready, they have begun to move on and it is hard to pull them back.

On the other hand, if you are saying you should take it slow to start the break up process, do yourself and the other person a favor and just let them know. It isn’t only wrong to lead people on, but it is also wrong to play with someone’s emotions. If you are giving mixed signals to someone, just let them know why and don’t be distant. Distance can kill a new relationship and put a damper on love, even if you aren’t that far away physically.

August 8, 2011

3 signs he’s not ready for relationships because he married his career

Filed under: gay dating,MyPartner.com — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 10:31 pm

If you’ve been dating and it seems like you’re not having luck with getting someone to be ready for a monogamous relationship, you may not be the problem.  The problem may be that you aren’t paying attention to the signs that the other person is giving off.  the other person may think they want to find love and be in a relationship, but the reality is that they may not be.  One of the leading signs that the person isn’t ready for a real relationship or love is if they are work obsessed.  Sometimes the only true love a person has is their job and work.  It doesn’t mean the person doesn’t like you or think you’re attractive, it just means their real priorities are with their career now and not in finding love.  If this is the person you are dating, then maybe you need to look somewhere else, unless you always want to be second place.  Here are three signs that the person is not ready for a relationship because he is already in one with his career.

Cell phones at the table.

If you are on a date and he brings his phone and answers it on your date, he is not only being rude to you, but he is also showing that his job and work is more important.  If he was really ready to date and find love, he would make it so that he could have 1 or 2 hours without his phone.  Everyone can do it from Fortune 500 executives to real estate agents.  It doesn’t matter if they are important or an assistant, they need to put down the phone and get to know you.  If they can’t do that during a dinner then they cannot commit to you because they are committed to their phone and their work.

Canceling dates regularly.

It’s understandable to have to cancel a date if something comes up.  It happens where you need to work on a project late or you have to do something.  The problem is if there is always something coming up and your dates are always getting canceled.  Not only is it rude to do to you because it stops you from being able to have your own life, but it also messes up your schedule.  If he always has things coming up, then you need to make sure the next thing that comes up is a finger saying goodbye.

Showing up late.

This is absolutely unacceptable.  Everyone can make sure they have enough time to make it to a date.  Sure you can get stuck in traffic or get lost finding the place, but if you are always late because you had to finish something at the office, you are a little late to be able to date.  Think about it this way, if he is always late when you are just dating, what’s it going to be like when you are in a committed relationship or married?  You plan special nights and anniversaries and he is always late.  You plan a surprise for him but he doesn’t make it home on time.  If he is always late when you are dating then you are setting yourself up for him always being late if your dating turns into something more long term.

One of the biggest problems with dating someone that is married to their career is that you will always be second.  Even if he is cute, well off and you are in love with him, think about your future.  Do you really want to be second to his career?  Do you want to wait at home alone at night while he’s late and do you want him to be working while you were supposed to be spending quality time.  If you want love and you want a husband and not someone who you love but are always second to a career to, then look for these three things.  If he is doing them then he is already married and guess what, it isn’t to you.

August 2, 2011

5 things to do to ensure you won’t get a second date

Filed under: gay dating,MyPartner.com — Tags: , , — rollerbladerdc @ 12:39 am

So I’ve been on a string of really bad dates lately. The thing is that they always start out amazing and then either I say something stupid because I’m nervous or the other person does something dumb. The reality is that there are certain things you just shouldn’t do on dates, especially a first, second or third date and there are definitely things you shouldn’t say. Because of all of the stupid things I’ve said, other guys have said and the things that will definitely not get you a second date,,,unless the person is an idiot, here are my big 5 no nos for first, second and third dates.

1. Do not bring your friends.

You may feel like your friends are your support group and that they help you feel more confident. That’s because that is what friends are there for. The reality is that you are on a date and your goal is to try to get to know the person. If you surround them with your friends you will not only not get to know the person, but they will feel like a third wheel no matter how much fun your friends are. You also run the risk of them becoming a friend instead of a potential mate. You may want your friends there because you are nervous, but the nervous feeling is because you are meeting someone new and someone that you may end up falling in love with. Save the friends until you have been on multiple dates and you think the dating could turn into something.

2. Your my second choice, I found the other person more attractive.

This is one that i saw on The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo multiple times. The millionaire picks one person and tells that person that they were more attracted to the other person but Patty recommended someone like them instead because the other person would be better for them. Don’t ever put your date down like that! If you aren’t that interested and not thinking about them sexually, long term and about marriage then why are you bothering with them? Seriously, if you are thinking about sex first and marriage isn’t crossing your mind, that isn’t the right person for you. You have to have a spark and if someone else is sparking you but your dating someone because they are the right type then you are wasting your time and their time. Instead of insulting the person just let the date end friendly and then don’t go on a second. You don’t have to be rude and you don’t have to put people down. Unless the person is into being abused you will also lose any chance of a second date.

3. Talking about your ex, excessively.

You have to remember that your Ex is your Ex for a reason. It didn’t work. If you’re on a date it is because you are supposed to be moving on. If all you do is talk about your ex you are not only going to bore the shit out of your date, but you will guarantee that you won’t get another one or that it won’t last. You are basically saying you are still in love with you ex and that you are not ready to move on. If the date is serious about dating and doesn’t just want to sleep with you then you have now lost that person probably for good. If your date asks about your ex, make sure your answer is short, simple and somewhat funny if it is a negative comment. Try to say something positive but also that doesn’t go on and on or make it sound like you are still in love.

4. Do not over drink. Keep a 2 or 3 drink minimum.

I love to drink and I know most other singles who meet at bars or dinners love wine with their dinner during a date. The thing you have to remember is that you don’t want to look like an alcoholic and you want your mind and focus clear and coherent. You are dating because you want to really meet someone and fall in love. If you are drunk you won’t take in every signal if the person likes you or not and you may not get to really see the person for who he or she is. It is very important to not over drink and to limit yourself on the first few dates. Get to know the person before you go on a binger where you get trashed. Getting to know the person first is extremely important and something that will help you know if you should have a second date or not.

5. Don’t sleep with the person.

Ok, this is questionable. I like to know what I’m getting in to and what the other person has. At the same time sex can ruin the chances at falling in love and making it special. I have plenty of friends who have gotten married and slept together on the first date but at the same time I’ve also seen them get divorced and also have to open their relationship to keep it interesting. Although you want to sleep with the person on the first date, hold off until you get to know the person and you are in a committed monogamous relationship. Wanting to sleep with the person means you are attracted to them and you have a connection. If you can hold off you’ll have something to look forward to.

I know this list may not be the most fun, especially 4 and 5, but they could help you to figure out if the person is the right one for you. With 1 through 3, make sure you don’t screw your date up with them. Be polite if you aren’t into the person and then just don’t go on a second date. If you are really bored and you are trying to force a conversation, it isn’t rude to just say it isn’t working, offer to pay and actually try to pay and break the date early. Both of you will thank each other and not feel awkward, just don’t be rude and put the other person down. Getting a second date is easy, but if you don’t have the connection with the person where you are falling in love then it probably isn’t worth a second date. finding love isn’t tricky, finding the right person to love is. Don’t screw it up if you find the person and don’t force yourself to date someone if they are obviously wrong.

Older Posts »

Powered by WordPress