One thing that constantly bugs me about getting married and helping other people plan their gay weddings is what to do about inviting people who voted against gay marriage to your wedding. I have family members, including one who helped raise me, that I love and that is part of my life who voted against it. If I get married and he isn’t invited, he would be hurt more than anything. At the same time, he voted for me not to have the right to get married, what do you do? Here are a few other examples and how I handle them. You’ll need to make your own decisions and I would love your comments and feedback below.
Do you invite family members who voted against gay marriage to your gay wedding?
Trying to figure out if you should invite family members who voted against gay marriage to your gay wedding is one of the hardest ones to figure out. Yes, they tried to stop you from marrying the person you love, but if you care about them and they care about you, your wedding won’t be the same without them. When I’m talking to other people, here is what I go over with them and what I’ll have to think about with my own wedding.
- Can the person behave and be ok with gay people around, you kissing your partner and sitting through something they are/were opposed to?
- Could seeing an actual gay wedding help them to understand that there is nothing wrong with gay people getting married and that their opinion was flawed or incorrect?
- Is their Husband or Wife pro gay marriage and will it effect his or her ability to come? Will they be offended or be put in an awkward position if both aren’t invited?
- Can you honestly be happy with yourself knowing someone you love, that’s in your family and that helped raise you is not invited to the most important day of your life?
- Are you going to feel like something is missing because you didn’t invite them in your wedding photos when you see they aren’t there? Even if they say no, at least you tried and may not feel as bad.
- If they say no and do not come, will it effect your opinion of them and can that feeling of rejection be repaired? This goes two ways.
Trying to figure out if you should invited family members who voted against gay marriage to a gay wedding is a hard thing to do. I would personally invite them knowing that I did the right thing. If they say no, it will hurt at first, but at least I already somewhat knew the answer before hand. At the same time, they may surprise you and say yes because they do love you.
Do You Invite Friends Who Voted Against Gay Marriage to a Gay Wedding?
This one is a bit easier for me. I have a couple of friends who I met through work that I enjoy and really care about. They are supportive in my relationships and are always welcoming when they have met my boyfriends in the past. However, when it comes to voting for gay marriage, their religion stops them from voting for it. They believe in equal rights but not being able to get married or being recognized by the church. Although I care about them and enjoy them, I would not invite them because they can’t get past the real issue which is equal rights. For them its about religion and although they would show up and be supportive and friendly, it would also cause them to feel awkward. At the same time, going to a gay wedding for a friend that they have known for a long time could actually help to change their minds on gay marriage. Unfortunately, this can also create another issue. It is expensive to have more guests at a wedding.
Who do you invite to a gay wedding, friends you’ve known for a long time or friends who support gay marriage?
In the example above, I have known these people for years and love them. At the same time I have friends who I have known for less of a period of time, am not as close to, but they do support gay marriage, are becoming good friends and would not feel awkward at the wedding. They would enjoy it, bring in a positive attitude the entire time and nothing would be weird. Who do you invite, the friends you were/are closer to and have known for a long time or the friends which you have that you haven’t known as long but support your wedding and would also enjoy it without feeling awkward. I am always stuck with this one.
The more people you have the more money it costs. Do you risk having people feel awkward and ruining other people’s times at your wedding, and also risk hurting their feelings or do you bring people who would enjoy everything at your wedding and have an amazing time. You want the people you care about there, but you don’t want any negativity or awkward emotions or feelings at your wedding. I usually try to figure out what the odds are of the people who voted against gay marriage showing up and then wait to see. If they are out of town you can ask them first if they would want to come, and if they are local to you just ask. If they sound awkward at all about it on the phone, then you have your answer and let them know that they sound like they aren’t 100% sure so maybe it’s not a good idea. Make sure you also let them know you still care about them and aren’t offended that they couldn’t make it. If they get excited about the wedding and say yes, then send them an invitation and hope they are still that excited when they get to your wedding. You’ll have to make that decision based on their reactions.
You have to remember that at weddings you have alcohol and things that could end up making someone who was opposed to gay marriage have an outburst, especially if they’re drunk. If you have people there who are opposed to gay marriage, even though they love you, they could also ruin the wedding for other guests. It is a really odd thing to not invite someone you love or care about, but you also have to remember that it is your big day and something you don’t want any negativity at. Please feel free to leave a comment below with your own opinions and what you would do or if you are married what you did do. Please also feel free to share this post on Facebook and Twitter to see what other people think.