I just got a text message from someone I apparently had a date with on Saturday. The text message was one that said it’s all my fault that I stood him up and he had to cancel plans, he didn’t go to a party, etc… because of me. Yes it sucks that I forgot about our date, to be honest I don’t remember ever planning anything with him but he apparently did, so when I got the text that I forgot about him I sort of felt bad. Then I realized that it is already over 24 hours later. I thought to myself, why would I feel bad if I missed our date when I didn’t even actually remember that we had one.
It wasn’t on my schedule, wasn’t in my iPhone or on my calendar. The other thing is that he could have easily texted me to ask what time we were getting together, what I wanted to do or what he wanted to do and he could have called to verify that we had plans. Apparently the party he missed was for our first date, again, not my problem, and he was upset about not having plans for yesterday. He could have easily called to find out if we were still getting together, but instead he waited over 24 hours to contact me and it wasn’t even a call, it was a text message. I sent a message back saying let me make it up to you, but he responded with another game.
He ended up saying well I don’t know, I feel bad about missing the party, etc… and I told him that it wasn’t my problem. He was able to call me and see if we had plans. It is just as much his fault as mine, even though I don’t remember making plans with him. So I responded back that I don’t play these games and to have a nice life. I was a little more friendly than that. The game he was playing is that everything is the other person’s fault. He didn’t take any responsibility for not calling me to see if we had plans and immediately I am the bad person and should feel sorry for him. If he would have called then I would have known we had plans and we would have gotten together. Because he didn’t realize that he was at fault too and blamed everything on me, I ended it right there. I am finally at a point in my life where fun isn’t enough. The other person has to be right for me if I am going to bother with actually dating the person. So here is my top five ways to tell that a guy isn’t the right one for you.
1. Does the person take responsibility? I’m the type of person who needs someone who can take care of themselves and have their own minds. I’m not going to play the blame game and I’m not going to feel bad if something wasn’t my fault. Sure there may be certain times that I’ll give in, but just like above I am not going to date someone if on the second date they already play the blame game and don’t see that they are at fault. If the person you are dating is always the one who is the good guy and you are always bad, or they can do no wrong, move on. You don’t need the drama queen in your life. They think they are serious about love, but when it comes down to it they are too immature.
2. The Gold Digger. I don’t think I need to explain this one. Gold diggers look for money and material things. If you want a trophy husband or wife but not love, they are perfect for you. The only thing you have to remember is that if you lose your money or something happens to your financial situation, they won’t be there for you.
3. The Faker. Whenever someone pretends to have the same interests as me on a date, I’ll ask them specifics as well as trick questions about things that I like. If they answer incorrectly to the trick questions or the real ones, they are out of the running. The thing is that someone who says things just to keep a conversation going won’t be able to do that forever. If you get married and don’t actually have anything in common, you may find out that the relationship isn’t that strong because you have nothing to talk about or do. It is important to not lie about your hobbies or interests. If you are serious about your relationship you can find hobbies and common interests later. If you pretend to like something you hate, you could end up in a relationship where you have to do it because you lied about it from the beginning.
4. The jealous type. Sometimes a bit of jealousy is a good thing. The problem with jealousy on the first 5 or ten dates is that the person may be either really obsessive or overly protective. You also have to realize that if the person is jealous because you are flirting or looking at other people, maybe you aren’t actually interested in that person. If the person you are dating is the one, you won’t have any desire to look at other people. If they are already jealous after the first date and cause issues, think about what it will be like 5 years from now. Jealous people usually mean drama and end up cheating on you often or always accuse you of cheating. If you are ok with that then go ahead. Jealousy in the beginning is a definite sign that the person isn’t right for me.
5. The obsessive person. Being obsessive is a bit immature. I’ve been on a couple dates where if someone else hits on me at the bar, or hits on them, the person flips out or makes a scene saying that they are with someone. Making a scene means the person needs to grow up. They will probably end up causing a fight at some point and imagine what would happen if you ever took them to a work event. You could lose your job. The obsessive person is also the one who texts you twenty times a day and also calls more than once. It gets a bit scary. There is a difference between being excited about meeting someone and being obsessed. Obsession is more of a crush than true love. If the person is obsessive over your and extremely jealous, think about how they will effect your future and if you really want all of that drama.
Anyways, those are 5 of the things I think about when realizing why my past relationships didn’t work out. There are a ton of other things to think about, but it’s also time for bed. Please feel free to share your own things to watch out for by leaving a comment below.