Valentine’s day is coming up soon and everyone is starting to go crazy trying to find a date. Lots of people are questioning why they are single and not everyone really realizes why they are alone. The truth is that sometimes you need to sit back and really be honest with yourself. Maybe you are not perfect and maybe there are a few things you could change about yourself or your habits. I’m not saying that you need to change to have someone fall in love with you, they should love you for who you are, but you need to sit back and really evaluate how serious you are about finding love. Here are five things you should think about and seriously consider if they are things that you should work on. It’s all about honesty and the most important person to be honest with is yourself.
1. Are You Serious About Finding a Relationship? This may sound like a stupid question, but the reality is are you actually looking to fall in love? If so for how long? Do you have accounts on Manhunt, Adam4Adam, Grinder and other Hookup sites? If you do and you are heading there for hookups, you probably aren’t in the right mindset for finding love. Regardless of whatever excuse you use like you go to chat with friends, you still have the account on hookup sites and apps. How is it going to look to the person you want to be in a serious relationship with as well? It will always be in the back of their minds that you have those accounts and that you could be using them. If you seriously want to find love and you meet the person you think you are in love with, those accounts won’t mean anything. If the people in there are your friends you can chat on IM or call them on the phone. True love doesn’t involve hookup sites or even accounts on them. The only person you think about is your partner.
2. Are You Honest About Your Interests? We all love to say that we like to walk on the beach or enjoy a romantic dinner. Some people say they love to watch a game, but the reality is most of us don’t. Suppose you meet someone and they liked you because you like Rock Climbing or the outdoors, guess what, if you don’t then when they want to go camping and you want to head to a broadway show, you’re going to have a problem. If you don’t like the outdoors, don’t pretend to or say you do. Be honest about your interests. I was dating a Rugby player and he always wanted me to go to his games. I said I was into sports and it was miserable.
I went to support him but I hated it. I could have spent my Saturdays doing something more productive like drinking in a bar or killing myself. Both sound like better options than sitting through 4 hours of rugby games. I should have never said I thought it was cool. Some people can learn to like it but make sure you are honest about what you really like. Maybe you’ll find the person that loves those things and can introduce you to other similar things.
3. Are You Looking For a Life Partner or a Year Long Lover? It’s ok to not be ready for a life time commitment but to want a long term relationship to share parts of your life with. If you’re goal is to fall in love but not have to marry, realize that and don’t pretend like it may last forever. If it ends up being a life long relationship that is great, but if you don’t think it will be for your life, don’t try and fool yourself and your boyfriend or girlfriend into thinking it is meant to be.
4. Are You Really a Top? This sounds funny but if you lie about what you like in the bedroom, you may find yourself straying from the person you love. If you’re a bottom but want to pretend to top, don’t pretend. If you like S&M, when the time is right don’t be afraid to ask if they are ok with trying it. The reality is that everyone likes certain things. If your needs aren’t being met by your partner then you stray. Look at all the straight men and women who cheat. Look at all the couples that break up over finding their partner at a fetish bar. If your partner loves you then they may try it because they’ll know you have certain needs. Even if they save it for anniversaries then it is still them making the effort.
5. Where Do You See Your Life And Home Life In The Future? Kids and the suburbs are definitely something many people want. Other people want a life without kids and in a condo in the city. Are you willing to sacrifice where and how you want to live for your partner? If your partner has always dreamed of having a cabin in the country with noone around and you hate wildlife, you may have a problem. The city is great when you are younger but if you never want to leave and your partner has dreamed about a white picket fence in the suburbs, that could be the thing that ends your relationship and prevents you from meeting the person who would have liked to live where you wanted to live. If your relationship gets serious, you may want to have the talk about kids, where you want to live and where you guys see each other in ten years or when you get older.
Many people go and say things that they think the other person would want to hear on a date. The reality is that not being honest or not letting the person you want to fall in love with know what is really important to you is what could be the end of your relationship. Be honest in your profiles online and you don’t have to pretend to like things like a museum if you hate them. If you’re honest and the person you are dating is honest too, you may find that the relationship could work better. Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!