|Warning, before you read this article, you must have a sense of humor. This is meant as a joke and nothing in this article is true or should be done. This is meant as a joke and not to be taken seriously. Now onto Bad Parenting 101.
So I was going shopping and only gone for an hour when I decided to stop for a sandwich on my way home. While I was in line at the shop, there was this woman arguing about something stupid in front of me, like being charged a dollar for a pickle or something and really, I just wanted to tell her where to shove that dollar (pickle works too) but instead I decided to use the ever so popular dad angle on the women.
I walked up next to the irate woman and looked at both of them and said look, I know you are upset and all, but I have been waiting here for 5 minutes already and already had to wait for 20 more minutes in line after I finished grocery shopping. I know you don't think that the pricing is fair, but you really don't need to create a scene, in fact you could always go somewhere cheaper if the dollar means that much to you. All I want to do is pick up some lunch on my way home to check on my 2 year old who I left in the tub while I went out shopping.
Well I was confused when the two nosey ladies started looking at me like I was crazy so I said "WHAT?!?!?". I plugged in the TV, set it on the edge of the tub and turned it to a nice music station with lullabies and turned down the lights so he at least wouldn't get bored while I was out.
Can you believe the nerve of this bitch in front of me? Not only did she start questioning my parenting skills, but she also decided to spill the drink I was holding. At this point I was livid, I mean the price of Vodka has skyrocketed and she couldn't possibly expect me to drive home at 11 am sober, could she?
So she questions my parenting skills and I guess she thought she was being funny by asking if I was on drugs or something,,,,,,,,and that is where I draw the line, I am not addicted to drugs and when I take my prescriptions in the morning, I only take up to 5 times the amount my doctor recommends when I steal his medical tablets and write my prescriptions.
Well then the bitch says, "And what, does your kid know you are taking these pills, does he watch you take them?" Well as I said she had crossed a line butting into my business and when she said that I decided to let her know that I was not going to take this abuse, so I told her the truth. Of course he knows I take all of these pills. I am not going to hide the fact I take a prescription medication from my son, and he very damn well knows that I keep them in the cabinet by the stepping stool in the bathroom above an old and shattered mirror.
You know, I then got to share the cutest story about my boy with them. A couple months back I was taking my morning doasges and my son walked in and said "Daddy, what are you eating?". Well at 2 years old he is not old enough to understand what pills and pain killers are so I enthusiastically exclaimed "Jelly Beans" These pink ones are bubble gum flavored, yum, so you have to chew them up and eat them fast. Anyways, he giggled and giggled and I told him all the different flavors of "Jelly Beans" in cabinet of fun.
So for some reason, at this point the woman is bitching and yelling about child protection this, abuse and hazard that, so I decided it was time to drown her out with a nice Vodka chaser. I grabbed my glass, opened my flask and filled my cup back up and said, you know what, screw the sandwich, I'll take a liquid lunch on my drive home.
Anyways, I don't know what her problem was yelling and screaming at me, but on the way home I found a great knife set for him to play with.
Hehehehe, like I said this article is for pure humor and should not be taken seriously at all. This is horrible parenting and you should not follow any of the advice in this article. In fact use it as a guide of what not to do. Anyways, that is why it is called Bad Parenting 101.
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